Lose Weight, Maintain Weight, Gain Weight

Some time ago, this charming little flyer came through my letterbox. 
'Please excuse the unusual approach', it begins. As if! It goes on, 'Do you, or someone you care about, need to lose weight, maintain weight, or gain weight?', a question to which the only answer can be 'yes'. Or it would be, were it not for that little bully of a word 'need'. Substitute 'want' for 'need', and we can all relax. We can think twice before contacting Annie and John to order some of their 'natural herbal' products that involve 'no exercise, no gimmicks, substantial weight loss and inch loss (though not, presumably, for the minority who want to maintain or gain), good nutrition, no hunger pains, and no drugs, in addition to maintaining energy and allowing us all our favourite foods. Plus, there's a 30-day money back guarantee if the products fail to achieve the 'lose weight, maintain weight or gain weight' promise. Though of course, they're sure to achieve one of those three.